[70ra455]

OK ... before we get to where I'm at now ... and how I got there since November ... I must share that most important event in my life to date.

My son, who had been suffering from depression and addiction (hearing voices etc) and a total lack of joy and hope ... took his own life one week after I got back. My world ended that day ... never to be the same. My best buddy was gone ... and I will never be able to communicate how much he was loved and cared for since the day he was born until his last day. My attempt at a father-son project was just another failure in my attempt(s) to help him in any way possible. The car project was put on hold ... maybe forever? I just wanted to curl up and go away to a cave somewhere ... but there was still my oldest son, his lovely wife who is like my own daughter, and a grandchild on the way (who is now here Praise God!) and of course my ministry as an Ambassador of Jesus' as a pastor of a church. So I had to find a way to move forward in the midst of unspeakable sadness, frustration, yes even some anger, but yet throughout it all there was an understanding and confidence that what my son was no longer suffering and it was that understanding, and only that understanding, which allowed me to move forward.

Sometime in April, when the temps finally hit the high 30's and low 40's I decided to go out to the garage and look around and see if maybe ... just maybe ... I could get the motivation to work on the car ... something I don't know how to do.

So I began, ever so slowly ... and that time alone in the garage ... getting frustrated and going through things VERY SLOWLY ... was like a therapy to me. I was going to see this project through ... and then my oldest son could keep the car after I'm gone ... and make memories with my granddaughter ... but who knows.

Anyway, now that I got that off my chest ... (sorry if it was inappropriate) ... and had one of my daily cries ... I will start later on sharing what has been done ... and what has to yet be done (that list is much longer!)

Thanks for listening and God's peace ...