[Chris65LeMans]

I’m sorry to hear that, David. Best wishes.

[lfdsteve]

My mother died this Saturday at 82. Sucks but it is what it is. 62 yrs of marriage, 4 kids, 16 grand kids. All college grads or enrolled. 2 kids are doctors, 1 grand child graduating med school this week. 2 grand kids in med school. Only one liberal. Not a tragedy at all. Its life. We all are born, live then die. Its all about what you choose to do with your self and your body!

[Shiny]

Hard to read, harder to write, I'm sure.

Trust that you are not alone.

You are obviously strong and grounded. You made the best decision you could make and as hard as it was, that's what you can do. Your mom is safe because of you.

Take care of yourself and the rest of your family too.

[poncho-mike]

My dad was 81 and his memory was getting bad, but he knew who everyone was and the date. If he had dementia at all, it was very minor.

Then he went to the doctor for cataracts. They found an irregular heart beat. Doctors installed a temporary pacemaker, then a second surgery a few days later installed a permanent pacemaker. In all, he went through three round of anesthesia in about a week. He was never the same after that, never awoke from a permanent fog. I never saw it anywhere, but anesthesia seems to have a very negative impact on an elderly person's brain. I think I read somewhere there are seven stages of dementia. Dad might have been a stage 1 before the surgeries, but afterwards he was at a six, maybe even a seven. I remember going to sit with him, watching him stare off in space.

Anyone with elderly parents needs to be aware of the risks of anethesia. Be sure to ask the doctors.

Mike

[bird72]

David, be strong brother. A tough road. In the dementia family situation now. Find pleasure "in the moment" with mom. She will still find joy in moments. They may (won't) stick, but the joy is real.

Also thoughts to lfdsteve. Sorry man.

I have sons in heaven and it took me so long to frame that. But I believe in life dimensionally existing forever. And I treasure the gifts of love they left.

[David Jones]

Originally Posted by lfdsteve

My mother died this Saturday at 82.

My condolences Steve.

[Drag Star Le Mans]

Sorry to hear about your mother. This is one of the hardest challenges in life. The first time I saw my mom and she didn't know who I was I thought she was joking? That really hit me hard with the reality of the situation. Like many have said live in the moment and enjoy your time with her the best you can. If you haven't done it yet look into hospice care for your mom. They did a great job helping my mom and family. It's been 4yrs since she passed away. I haven't cried about it much but damned if I am now.

[David Jones]

Thought I’d update this.
We got moms house cleaned out over a period of months and on the market. It sold fairly immediately on Facebook. A little over asking. For the first time in its history it’s got a young couple in it. Mom lived at a local independent living facility for the remainder of last year. I helped her with breakfast and sitters stayed until after supper. Late in the year she declined fairly quickly and started having balance and comprehension problems. Christmas and New Year saw her have some issues where the end of her time alone at all was close. She sat on the arm of her recliner and landed in such a way as to snap the humerus bone in her arm. Clean. She called some way or other (basically blind.) and I took off....it’s about a mile? I looked and assumed broken shoulder and called rescue. It was absolutely flooding and due to wrecks they took us to the closest emergency which confirmed the break and sent her home with me! 18 hours from hell later she was admitted to another hospital, where she stayed 10 days. The family divided 12-18-24 hour shifts and stayed with her. She’s blind. Can’t eat alone. Soooo. She is discharged from the hospital in early/mid January 19 and goes to a rehab/nursing facility her in town. One of the things that kept her in the hospital was a UTI. Brutal. Just brutal. A UTI sends a dementia patient into orbit. In many cases they don’t come back mentally and mom hasn’t. A couple of times she recognized me as her son but couldn’t name me. She thinks she’s outside most of the time. Try convincing her otherwise! She’s done with rehab as of this last Tuesday and now will stay at the facility as a resident. My wife is over there right now making her eat. They think she’s got another UTI. You just do what you gotta do....she raised 4 of us.

[sdbob]

Condolences, prayers sent. Your family is very dedicated.Thank you for sharing.

[400 4spd.]

David, that is tough to read. I really commend you and your siblings for doing the right thing, as too many sadly do not.
Next week our family celebrates my mother's 85th birthday. We are so grateful that she is very self sufficient.

[64speed]

I am 39 my mother is 72. Just in the last few years I have noticed a decline in her and was watching her today playing with my daughter a realizing that she’s not the same woman she was 5 years ago. I have five brothers and sisters so we grew up in a big house. When it became too much for her to take care of she moved in with my brother but wouldn’t let anyone do anything to the house because she was determined she was gonna return. Well the house fell into such disrepair that the city made her tear it down and things fell thru with my brother and her so now she lives in a one bedroom apartment a mile from me. She still drives and runs her day to day life but I can see her apartment is getting messy and cluttered and she just found out she has macular degeneration so if she lives long enough she will probably be blind. The once strong and invincible woman I knew is gone. Replaced by a frail paper thin skinned shell that can barely lift her granddaughter onto the bed to put her pajamas on her. My only prayer now is that she remains healthy as she is now and lucid so my daughter can know her before she passes on. My childhood home is already gone and my dad died 6 years ago. It’s hard watching your parents wither away. I once read that every generation is the one that thinks it’s gonna live forever but seeing my mother and father killed that notion for me years ago.

[Chris65LeMans]

They do have treatments for masculine degeneration.

My condolences. I’ve got 3 kids. Shortly after the first was born, my mom was diagnosed with ALS. The day the second was born, I took her and my dad out for steak. That ended up being the last real meal she ever ate, (not from a tube) and she died a year later.

It’s sad, but it’s something we’ll all need to deal with. The only alternative is your mom going to your funeral, and nobody wants that.

[hurryinhoosier62]

Originally Posted by sdbob

Condolences, prayers sent. Your family is very dedicated.Thank you for sharing.

Originally Posted by David Jones

Thought I’d update this.
We got moms house cleaned out over a period of months and on the market. It sold fairly immediately on Facebook. A little over asking. For the first time in its history it’s got a young couple in it. Mom lived at a local independent living facility for the remainder of last year. I helped her with breakfast and sitters stayed until after supper. Late in the year she declined fairly quickly and started having balance and comprehension problems. Christmas and New Year saw her have some issues where the end of her time alone at all was close. She sat on the arm of her recliner and landed in such a way as to snap the humerus bone in her arm. Clean. She called some way or other (basically blind.) and I took off....it’s about a mile? I looked and assumed broken shoulder and called rescue. It was absolutely flooding and due to wrecks they took us to the closest emergency which confirmed the break and sent her home with me! 18 hours from hell later she was admitted to another hospital, where she stayed 10 days. The family divided 12-18-24 hour shifts and stayed with her. She’s blind. Can’t eat alone. Soooo. She is discharged from the hospital in early/mid January 19 and goes to a rehab/nursing facility her in town. One of the things that kept her in the hospital was a UTI. Brutal. Just brutal. A UTI sends a dementia patient into orbit. In many cases they don’t come back mentally and mom hasn’t. A couple of times she recognized me as her son but couldn’t name me. She thinks she’s outside most of the time. Try convincing her otherwise! She’s done with rehab as of this last Tuesday and now will stay at the facility as a resident. My wife is over there right now making her eat. They think she’s got another UTI. You just do what you gotta do....she raised 4 of us.

God bless you, David.

[Greg Reid]

This is hitting close to home for me...Just 2 minutes ago I finished an email session with two of my brothers regarding what to do with our Mother. She is slipping cognitively and is alone in a 3000 square foot house out in a rural area. She no longer can drive and there is just no where suitable in Jacksonville, AL. for her to live in a senior center with some measure of independence and 24hr. staff. We have to find something though and right soon.

[David Jones]

Originally Posted by Greg Reid

This is hitting close to home for me...Just 2 minutes ago I finished an email session with two of my brothers regarding what to do with our Mother. She is slipping cognitively and is alone in a 3000 square foot house out in a rural area. She no longer can drive and there is just no where suitable in Jacksonville, AL. for her to live in a senior center with some measure of independence and 24hr. staff. We have to find something though and right soon.

Strength for you guys Greg...and all of you that might be in a similar situation.

I never really thought about how Mom would end her years. She was a lifetime heavy smoker and I guess somewhere in my mind I assumed I'd simply find her in her house, gone from a heart attack or ? But this? Not on the radar. The staff at Legacy learned our names pretty quickly. They say some days mom will randomly softly call out Glenda or David if nobody is in with her. Heartbreaking. We're experimenting with a "sitter" for a few hours a day a few days a week. Middle of the day. One of the ladies from my church is doing it and Mom seems to like the company, though she has NO IDEA who Kelly is on a daily basis. Kinda like the movie 50 First Dates. I have had some interesting conversations with Mom. She seems to have drifted mentally to her childhood in many ways. She doesn't remember the last house she lived in in Hueytown. I started asking her about "her house" and she started in on her childhood house. In Fairfield. She lived at the bottom of a hill, in a nice neighborhood below Lloyd Nolan Hospital. Hillside Drive. Her Mom was a nurse there. She related the story of her and her older brother sliding down the hill on a piece of tin during a rare snowy episode. And slamming into somebody that was walking up the hill as they were riding down. And loading this person onto the tin and dragging them back up the hill to the hospital and "dumping them in the back door of the hospital". I will pursue this story........

[tempest1964]

David, the fact that you care so much is quite a testament to your mother. She must be quite a lady. Truthfully, I think this could be said for all who have posted here about their parents and the care they give. God Bless.

[unruhjonny]

egads.

I saw that this thread was bumped today, read the first post, then noticed it was from last May... then found the update.

I am sorry to hear of your mom's decline.

It may not seem like much, but I understand that being able to share it, like you have here, helps a person to cope;
Better to share it, and get some feedback than to bottle it up, and give yourself ulcers...

I am glad you are able to share here, and get support from the membership.

I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[64speed]

There are two different kinds of treatment for macular degeneration and she doesnt have the treatable kind. They call it Wet and Dry. I cant remember which one hers is

[The Boss]

Very sorry at how this has gone David but all very familiar.

Still in my prayers buddy!

[67GTONUT]

Not much to add here...... but I will be thinking about you and your family.....

My parents and MIL are in 79-80 years old...... and I know it's coming, I hope I can be as strong as you.....