[David Jones]

Mom will be 83 in June. She was dealt a cruel hand a few months ago. Mom's been a smoker since she was 14. A few months ago it became apparent that she couldn't see much of anything. Cataracts. The decision was made to remove one at a time and that process started. One eye was done. It healed but her sight did not improve. During the process of finding out what was going on it was discovered that mom has vascular dementia. Probably from the smoking. (we did make her quit smoking before the surgery and she seems to have forgotten it now) And it was getting worse seemingly daily. Then she decided that the gutter out beside her house needed some cleaning and she did it. Fractured 2 vertebra. She said she was just sweeping. Now, I have a mom with vascular dementia, one eye with a cataract, one without a cataract but with little vision in either and a bad back. All in a period of just a few weeks. My wife and I took on her daily care as best we could (we both work) and that worked for a little while but she was doing things that would keep her back from healing and, God Bless her, she has NO short term memory so with the Dr's urging and after discussion among the brothers and sister we moved Mom to an assisted living apt last Sunday. I told her what was going to happen on the Saturday morning before and it was honestly the hardest thing I've ever done. The few things she was comfortable with (her house) she no longer has. AT&T is jerking us around on swapping her phone and even the damn TV remote is different. (I'm trying to smooth that out) We set her apt up with mostly things she knows and she seems at ease, though she is no doubt the new kid when it comes to meal time and activities. I went over to her house yesterday after work and cut the grass, moved a few outside things into the garage and took the trash to the street. Walking through the house was just too quiet. My grandmother bought it in the 70's and Mom got it in the 80's when my grandmother got sick. I've always just walked straight in and announced I was there over the decades. The door was seldom locked. Standing there in the silence I started crying. Mom will probably never be back to that home and at some point down the road she probably won't even know who I am. We'll eventually sell the house. Life's about changing. Damn it ain't easy......

[400 4spd.]

No it's not easy. In Feb. my 87 year old father passed away in his home all alone. I found him, then had to inform my mother and siblings. I think of him as soon as I wake, no matter what time of night. I still have a lot of business to handle.
Take it a day at a time, David.

[mrrat1]

They are the sad times.......but it's better to remember all the good things that came before......Hang in there we all have to go through it at some point in life. It doesn't get easier.......Best of luck to You & your Mother.

[Hammertime Mike]

My family is not far from that decision. Our roles in life change. Some are harder than others. Stay strong, the love will never go away.

[Greg Reid]

That was hard to read David...mostly because my wife and me have been discussing what we may have to do with my Mom soon. She's 85 and lives in a huge house alone and it's getting difficult for her to think her way through fairly simple matters like balancing her bank accounts and not knowing better than to share her personal business with perfect strangers, forgetting to gas the car up, etc.
It's really hard to find a nice living space for the elderly in her part of the state. It's a college town, as you know, and that's who the town caters to mostly in the way of apartments and so on.
Prayers for you and your Mom.

[eaglesan13]

My heart goes out to you David. Many of us on this site are around the same age, and we're dealing with the same stuff. My mom became ill about six years ago. When she came home (where she had lived since 1965) all three of my sisters wanted her to move into an assisted living home. As one of the older sons, I was asked to "have the talk" with mom. We discussed her physical limitations and the difficulties of living in a home with stairs. She didn't care, she said she wasn't going to leave. She did okay for a while, then started going downhill. She passed away in her own bed on May 5th, 2013, so she's been gone almost five years. I'm glad she got to do it her way, but she didn't have any memory issues, so at least we didn't have to deal with that. God bless you and your family in this difficult time.

[hurryinhoosier62]

Originally Posted by 400 4spd.

No it's not easy. In Feb. my 87 year old father passed away in his home all alone. I found him, then had to inform my mother and siblings. I think of him as soon as I wake, no matter what time of night. I still have a lot of business to handle.
Take it a day at a time, David.

That’s the best advice I could give. My MIL has vascular dementia along with terminal metastic small cell lung cancer. “Mom” hasn’t understood much of what the docs have told her about her condition. I keep telling my wife and her siblings to take “Mom’s” condition one day at a time.

[Simple Man]

Best of luck with your situation. My mom is 87, pretty good health, still drives, etc. But she has been slowing up in the last few years, and lost a younger brother and sister with a week of each other a few month's ago, which was very hard.

[The Champ]

This is a tough deal to go through.

I was with my dad when we told my mom she had to go to a nursing home. Mom actually took it very well - she knew she couldn't go home from the hospital. About 5 yeas later I had to go through convincing my dad he needed to sell the house and move into handicapped accessible housing after he had a heart attack. Next was taking his car away - about 5 years later - that was the toughest thing - dad spent his whole life in the automobile business.

I still remember very fondly, Father's day 1997. After finishing the restoration of the 1949 Cadillac Limo that my dad bought when I was 4, Father's day was at my house. I surprised dad with his car that he hadn't driven since 1965.

Remember some of the good times when you feel what you appear to be feeling right now. I'm sure there are lots of them. It won't take all the pain you're feeling away, but it will lessen the pain. At least it did for me.

[sdbob]

You are in our thoughts and prayers. I grew up in my grandparents home with my mom and dad. I had a lot of memories from that small 2 story house. When grandparents were both gone the house had to be sold. I wanted to buy it,hardest thing was when my mom took me aside and said its 'just a house now'. I was sad still am. The last thing I did was,the hospital was tearing it down for a parking lot I went into the house one last time.Went to the attic where I had a train display and painted many models.Thought ,by home,the good memories will be always with me.The front concrete steps are still there where I use to wait for my dad to come home from work. Yes we all have memories.

[David Jones]

Thanks guys.
Mom’s been very easy to deal with through all of this. Her back pain bothers her but she’s been pretty much all smiles.
Her car was a 2000 Honda Civic. I did a fairly big clean up, tire rotation, oil change etc back around Jan 2017....I wrote it on the valve cover. She had covered just over 300 miles since when I sold it to my youngest son Daniel about a month ago. She bought it new and when Daniel drove it off it had....18,500 miles showing. It’s whole life around Hueytown or locked up in her garage.
Mom was Miss Fairfield, 1953. She played softball and like to bass fish. One of her great pleasures was working in her yard. I got that from her. I cut her yard a couple of weeks ago and she told me she used to be pretty good at that when I got through with it. Damn....
she taught me to say thank you and yes ma’am or yes sir.
When I leave now she still tells me thank you and I love you.
Suddenly she’s just a little old lady

[400 4spd.]

No she's not just a little old lady, David. She's your Mom forever.

Like was mentioned previously, many of us are at the age of having elderly parents who are in the final years of their lives. Maybe 10 minutes before logging on here, I finished a nightly phone call with my mother. She turned 84 in April, and has more than her share of health problems. Tonight she shared with me some news from her cardiologist, and it is not good.
I think this year is going to be very tough for us.

[Half-Inch Stud]

Mom died Jan 2018. Rapid decline at 83. Contemplate the eulogy....i had to do that for dad, then mom.

[SRR]

I lost my Mom in 1978 while on my Honeymoon. She was only 57, smoked since she was 11 and was never a healthy person. It was very hard for my 21 year old self to comprehend. I lost my Dad May 2016. I drove 3000 miles to be at his 90th birthday party in March. The look on his face was priceless. He looked at me and said, you drove didn't you? He had all his marbles but was very feeble and had to be cared for. My sisters took him from Florida to Mass.

David, your post made me tear up. Hope the best for you.

[vidguy]

My heart too, goes out to you David. I too have been through that part of life that is inevitable and always painful.. The smell of Mom's kitchen, Dad's cigar... gone.
As Eaglesan said, many of us are at that age..

I now think about my children and how they will deal with whatever God and life deals out for me, and my wife, who has been through Cancer the past few years. Yes, God bless you and peace to your family in this difficult time.

[dstryr]

Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in February. Energy and weight declined noticeably in the 8-10months prior but her doc saw nothing out of the ordinary for a 75 year old woman.

During a checkup a Nurse suggested she get a chest x-ray after listening to mom and asked if it was okay to call her doc for her. Mom said yes and they found fluid on her left lung and subsequent testing revealed the incurable disease.

A couple of the things I learned: Ask questions and demand answers from your health care providers. You HAVE to be your own greatest advocate. This could have been diagnosed a year or more ago.
Second, do the things with your loved ones that you've been putting off. Mom's attitude has been great though she knows she's going to die probably in 6-8 months. Now we're trying to fit in some things that we can do while she has the energy to do them.

This is a great community of Pontiac and muscle car men and women and I have always appreciated the support shown to members during times of hardship. Thank you all and my prayers are with you David and everyone who is also going through some difficult times.
FS

[The Boss]

Very sorry to be reading this David and as I said in my text, your hardest days are still ahead of you. It's been over 6 years now since we lost my Mom and due to the Alzheimers and dimensia it had been years before that since she really knew who I was.

Like you & others here, our Moms taught us the lessons of life that shaped us into the men & Fathers we are today. They taught us to speak in terms of we, us & ours instead of I, me & mine and that someone's worth was not based on what was in their wallets - but in their hearts.

Whatever happens in the coming weeks and months you should know, even if she hasn't told you, that she is proud of you - what you have done, who you are and the man you have become. Don't miss the opportunity to let her know you are proud to be her son.

Take care my friend, you will be in our prayers.

[David Jones]

Thanks guys....for sharing the encouraging words and for sharing a little about similar situations you've faced. Like has been noted, very few of us will leave this world without experiencing something like this. We (I have 2 brothers and a sister) were sitting around Saturday and my sister (59 and the State Farm agent in Atmore Ala.) made a statement that made us all chuckle, nervously. "There is a good chance Mom's situation will be OUR situation in a very few short years". My oldest son Thomas said "oh...great". Mom's walker is coming in at the pharmacy today. She is NOT going to want it. Nooooooo...... Everybody at Pleasant Villa has one so I'm hoping she's seeing them jetting around with one and that's eased her on that front a bit.
One afternoon before we moved her I was back in her bedroom working in her checkbook. She had gone in the kitchen and was headed back to her recliner. I heard the terrible sound of a sack of potatoes hitting the floor. I don't even remember the dash to the living room. I make the corner and Mom is flopping around trying to get righted so she could get up off of the floor. In a panicked scream I suggested loudly that she not move any. As I calmed down she said "now, if you'll pick me up, I can get back to my game". "I missed the chair" As bad as that could have been, I'll always remember what she thought was most important and I'll smile. Years ago she found her Mom laying on the garage floor after a fall. Mom came in and noticed the food she'd left the day before for Buddy (my grandmother) was where she'd left it. The garage walk door was lightly open. Mom, expecting the worst, opened the door and there was Buddy sprawled out on the concrete. "Buddy?" Buddy's little bony finger moved and she said "get me up off of this damned cold concrete". She'd been there all night. Buddy had a broken hip and never came back to the house. Mom got it. The circle comes around.
Thanks guys again.
Sorry for the keyboard diarrhea.

[77 TRASHCAN]

Go be with your Mom, pray over her, to her. Her salvation came as a package deal. Healing is one part, although it's the Lord's decision. Believe!!!
The church I go to is non denominational. Not trying to sound unkind. I've been taught the power of faith. I'm believing for her!!!
Our thoughts, prayers and words have power in them. Pray positive, don't give up!
Lord, your hand upon David's Mom! Amen!!!!

[fred jernejec]

My mom died in 1963 at age 36. I was fourteen and my sister was only 12. ironically my grandmother who I was very very close to died the same year! I only wish my mom would have live to 80 plus1! There is still hardly a day I do not still think of her! Really messed me up my teen years!!1 Fred