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Old 04-28-2019, 11:10 PM
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77 TRASHCAN 77 TRASHCAN is offline
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Default Let your children fail!!!

A good friend of mine is going through a bunch of crap with his son (actually his wife's son).
He's been unemployed for about a year, has run out of unemployment benefits, has urinated away the huge income tax refund he got ( having 4 kids).

He got away from the mother of the 4 kids (one is his, maybe 2...what does THAT tell you?). She's likely living in a drug house, trading sex for drugs, completely addicted...not sure anyone knows where she is...

The boy has had issues with holding a job since getting out if high school. My buddy told him after graduation that he'd have to get a job to pay his way, and move away from home some time soon. That conversation with the boy got out of control. The boy told him he didn't need a job and that my buddy and his wife should just give him money to live off of. HOLY CRAP, BATMAN! The boy got a ear full concerning THAT conversation!!!

He's between 30-35 years old!!! And clueless. He's never held a job long...my buddy and his wife have very reluctantly helped him(used to be him and his wife and kids) a few times. They would move into a rent house, pay the first months rent and deposit, then NEVER make another rent payment. Many times a deputy sheriff has escorted them out and away from a rent house. Then they'd DO IT AGAIN!!! All the time they get threatened with eviction, they are giving out the "tale of woe" to friends and relatives, and NOT using any of the money towards rent. At one rent house the boy "borrowed" my buddies generator. He "forgot" to pay the electric bill? Duh! Best part of that story is... he used that generator for like 6 months!!! Got any idea how much gas it takes to run a gasoline generator for 6 months???

Another best part. His (responsible) sister found out he contacted a Dr. Online and got a prescription (I have no idea how all that works) for medical marajuana. So he's been lay'n around smoke'n pot, obviously not looking for a job!!! Doing NOTHING.
My buddy and his wife are completely done. Their only concern is for the 4 kids.

The Bible says, raise up your children in the way of the Lord.

I hope few, have gone through this, although I know many have!!!

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Last edited by 77 TRASHCAN; 04-28-2019 at 11:51 PM.
  #2  
Old 04-29-2019, 12:04 AM
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My sisters colleague has a similar situation minus the drugs. Bright kid. Did good in HS. Took the summer off to decide what do and poof never did anything. Now he’s 23 living at home with his GF and their newborn baby and neither have jobs or do anything all day. His stepdad is retired army and we actually served together for a while and I cannot believe he is letting this go on.

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Old 04-29-2019, 01:07 AM
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I've been a bartender in the same local bar, part time ... for 38 years. I'm tending bar for the grandchildren of people I knew what I started. Small town of about 25,000, I know a lot of the families, the cops, the drunks, the stoners and the mentally ill.

From my experience, and I've had a lot of it, if the guy is 30-35 ... he's done. He has chosen his lifestyle and it will remain the same for the rest of his life. He will eventually get money from the government for some kind of mental disability, substance abuse, welfare, food stamps, help from local charities etc. Eventually he will probably hurt himself bad enough in a car accident, or doing some odd job etc. to get disability payments and between that and the government help (eventually housing too) he will continue that lifestyle forever. Probably half a dozen guys that frequent our establishment that do just that and I've watched them go down the whole road.

Typically the big score they are looking for is some kind of disability and long term access to pain meds, or psychotropic meds. It's like someone has produced a brochure that tells these people how to go about life without ever working.

A person in their early twenties ... they still have a shot, I've seen them clean up, face reality and go on to lead normal lives. But the success rate for someone in their 30's ... is probably 10%. I've seen plenty of functioning people with substance abuse problems clean up and do fine at most any age ... but they have a simple problem compared to people who's brain has been rewired to do nothing their whole life.

The guy that owns our bar, a college graduate from a good school, hard working, law abiding, good to his parents .... has a brother two years older that has seriously never worked a day in his life. He's out in Arizona ... been "meds", and disability and every other thing for his entire life, now in his 50's and still screws up the most simple things ... both had the same well to do (father had a medical practice), hardworking, attentive parents.

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Old 04-29-2019, 06:59 AM
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I know several people the same way. One guy had a great job, made good money, until he got started into marijuana and went to bigger and better drugs. Now he's in his 50's, on disability, for some "injury", living in a subsidized apartment, and selling his paid for by us painkillers on the side.

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Old 04-29-2019, 08:03 AM
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My just turned 22 yr old daughter graduated college, making a new car payment, renting a place buying nice clothes, doing ok and on her way.
She’s considered very pretty so my wife and I asked why she hasn’t really dated anyone serious in a while ?
“You guys don’t get it, many of our generations guys don’t work, live at home, want everything given to them and everything upsets them. They’re just bums. It’s not like the 90s when you guys were young.”

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Old 04-29-2019, 09:21 AM
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Thank God both of my kids are doing OK in their mid 20"s . My daughter has a degree and is well into a good career. My son is doing well too, but we had to push a lot for him to finish high school. I say we, but really I mean my wife. She's been a rock for these kids.

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Old 04-29-2019, 10:12 AM
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Ii would find it hard when a grandchild is involved. Some grandparents raising grandchildren these days. In your described case, child protective services should be involved (a long time ago), and they look for family member care of the children first, typically, before foster homes. Yes, let the son find their own way, to your original point.

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Old 04-29-2019, 10:43 AM
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It’s not like the 90s when you guys were young.”

Or the 60's

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Old 04-29-2019, 11:21 AM
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There is absolutely nothing new in any of this. Some people will always scheme assistance out of others without working and it’s been going on for thousands of years. I’ve seen plenty of lazy people my age or older/younger who refuse to grow up and get their lives together. My parents saw it in their lives, my grandparents saw it in theirs, even my great-grandmother saw it and my great-grandfather cut most contact off his brothers for it over 90 years ago.

I will say that it’s hard as a parent when it’s your kids. Especially if grandkids are involved. If you've never done it you can’t really know. I’d personally practice good Christian charity more than I’d hard-heartedly turn someone away, but that’s just me. The wisdom of the wise is foolish and all that.

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Old 04-29-2019, 11:34 AM
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Yeah, I'm not so sure it's a generational thing, I saw the same kind of people since the late 70's. They live better now than they did back then though ... back in the 80's they had to do the occasional odd job house painting etc. but mostly in the 70'-80's they just robbed more houses and cars, now they don't have to do that since there are programs that provide more.

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Old 04-29-2019, 12:40 PM
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Yeah. No doubt , I’ve met as many baby boomer degenerates as millenials . Dealing with them is just as exhausting .

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Old 04-29-2019, 11:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Goat Racer View Post
It’s not like the 90s when you guys were young.”

Or the 60's

We really ARE older than dirt, aren't we?

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Old 04-30-2019, 01:35 AM
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I've dealt with this with my son, 28, minus the drugs, add in some alcohol and video games. He's ALWAYS had to be backed COMPLETELY into a corner before change would come. Once he realized he had no other choice (no more money, no more housing, etc.), he would get a job. Lost his license after his 3rd DUI, then lost his job. He would eventually find another job, then lose it by simply not showing up for work. I had to force him out of my house (age 26), had to let him face eviction, homelessness (age 27, 28) with a firm stance that he wasn't welcome back here. Its taken a toll on our relationship, though, he freely admits he's always been difficult and didn't give us much of a choice. I know that if id let him just freeload off of me years ago, he'd still be here, staying up all night gaming and drinking. You have to make tough choices, and never back down, once they figure out you're serious, things change. Fortunately, he hasn't (yet) tried to use government assistance and even more fortunately, hasn't married and had kids.

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Old 04-30-2019, 08:01 AM
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I do believe kids today have it a bunch easier today than when we grew up. Schools can’t touch a kid now w/o a lawsuit, cops can’t touch em w/o harassment charges.
They escape from reality in video games 8 hours a day.
I hope we never have another real ground pounding war and need a the draft reinstated. Prospects will be these fat assed kids with tats, lip rings, nose rings, earrings. Hard to carry a combat rifle while holding your pants up with the other hand.
On second thought maybe the draft’s not such a bad idea.

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Old 04-30-2019, 09:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob Dillon View Post
We really ARE older than dirt, aren't we?
YEP !

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Old 04-30-2019, 10:49 AM
66sprint6 66sprint6 is offline
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I try to balance it all with this crazy world we live in. We were lucky in our youth in that we didn't wake up to another bombing or mass shooting every day. That youthful bliss is missing from young people nowadays. I'm not excusing them for being unmotivated, but the world was wide and a lot more promising when I was in my 20's.

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Old 04-30-2019, 11:25 AM
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I don't know about you ... but I did wake up to a bombing or mass shooting every day ... the difference was you had to read the news to know about it. Red Brigade terrorizing Europe, IRA terrorizing the UK, PLA in Palestine, constant war in the middle east, Vietnam war, texas campus shootings, a dozen serial killers, JFK, RFK, MLK assassinations, Kent State, Watts riots, Chicago bombings, Una Bomber, Angela Davis bombings, USSR at the height of it's power, this would be a VERY partial list .... yeah, things were NOT better "back then".

The difference was ... no internet reminding you off it every day. Statistically the world is better in EVERY category now than it has ever been in the past. Health, longevity, world peace, income, standard of living, death from disease, death from starvation, death from war, ALL less now than they were even 20 years ago.

You think this world is crazy ... compared to 40 years ago it's a cake walk. The current generation of 20 year olds are the richest, best educated, best fed, healthiest generation the world has ever known regardless of the moaning and whining on the internet. They have less of a chance of going to war, dying of disease, living in squalor than any generation in the history of the planet.

It's amazing the number of people that have this negative outlook on the world without actually looking at the numbers. Every generation likes to think their time is the worst time, when the reality is, in the last 2000 years, every single generation has lived better than the generation before it when you look at the actual numbers.

The number one difference in the world right now is we have a MASSIVE media presence whose only purpose is to bring you reports of violence and woe to generate their income. If it bleeds it leads.

Anybody REALLY want to go back to the 50's or 60's? Want to go to the dentist in the 50's? Want to get your cancer treated in the 50's? Want to be black man in the 50's. Want a car that is ready for the junk yard at 100,000 miles? A 100 lb TV with a screen the size of a stamp, hypodermic needles about 1/16th" in diameter. Half a dozen all out wars around the world, millions dying of famine in Africa, huge scale industrial accidents, simple flu killing millions, polio, ... not me.

And let's not even think about 1900-1950 ... the world was literally constantly at war ... tens of millions killed, wholesale starvation, petty dictators wiping out entire peoples.

We live in the best time in the history of the world ... and yet somehow people are convinced it used to be better.

The reason people think the world was better when they were young, is because they were young, and their minds were occupied by the thoughts of the young, not because the world was any better.


Last edited by dataway; 04-30-2019 at 11:34 AM.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GTOTODD View Post
I've dealt with this with my son, 28, minus the drugs, add in some alcohol and video games. He's ALWAYS had to be backed COMPLETELY into a corner before change would come. Once he realized he had no other choice (no more money, no more housing, etc.), he would get a job. Lost his license after his 3rd DUI, then lost his job. He would eventually find another job, then lose it by simply not showing up for work. I had to force him out of my house (age 26), had to let him face eviction, homelessness (age 27, 28) with a firm stance that he wasn't welcome back here. Its taken a toll on our relationship, though, he freely admits he's always been difficult and didn't give us much of a choice. I know that if id let him just freeload off of me years ago, he'd still be here, staying up all night gaming and drinking. You have to make tough choices, and never back down, once they figure out you're serious, things change. Fortunately, he hasn't (yet) tried to use government assistance and even more fortunately, hasn't married and had kids.
My oldest son was a born "victim" and chronic liar, it was always somebody else's fault. He quit school in the 11th grade despite my warnings not too. He had a knack for attracting women who would support him because he wouldn't get a job and eventually they would kick him out. I took him off the street and let him live with us for a while and even got him a car so he could look for a job, well, that doesn't work real good if you stay up all night and sleep until noon. He ends up moving to Kentucky to marry some woman with 5 kids and she eventually kicks him out and he's homeless once again. He did some jail time for not paying a ticket, ended up "homeless" and my wife convinced me to help him so after sending him around a grand over time and a bus ticket because he wants to come back to California I stopped hearing from him to find out he had been living with some woman and cashed the ticket in for money.

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Old 04-30-2019, 02:48 PM
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The bad times in the 50s,our family ,even though poor didnt let you know they were bad. Now I seem to remember the good from then.Though i think of mistakes I made. Then you Always had food,garden,had water to wash. You learned by working alongside you family. There were times for kid stuff. The times now with the technology is amazing. I can't imagine in 5yrs or 10. Older than dirt,71.

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Old 04-30-2019, 04:40 PM
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I heard someone say “I wish someone would have told me that I grew up in the good ol’ days - they didn’t seem that great then.”

Other than not being able to ride their bikes to school, my kids have it way better than I did.

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