[hurryinhoosier62]

I've been meaning to give you an update on my Aunt Evelyn's condition since so many of you offered up prayers on her behalf. Her condition improved enough through May and June that it looked like she was going to be able to go home with assistance from a live-in care giver. In late June, she suffered a huge setback(mainly due to substandard care at the rehab facility she was staying at). She lost the ability to walk any distance. Evelyn asked me to move her to a different facility closer to her home and friends. I did so with the hope that a fresh set of eyes might just discover what was causing her difficulties in walking and standing. During this time period, Evelyn lost the use of her right arm and right hand. She submitted to physical and occupational therapy, but her process was slow and uneven. Her arm grew worse to the point where you couldn't even touch it without causing intense pain. Evelyn begged me to take her home, so I did....HUGE mistake. The level of care she needed nearly killed me, my wife and the next door neighbor. Even after I was able to hire caregivers(Evelyn ran the first one off!), her condition continued to decline. Her home health nurse saw her for the first time since late April and was taken aback at Evelyn's condition. A women who weighed 124lbs when this madness began was now down to 97.5lbs. The nurse suggested we put her on hospice care, which I agreed to. Evelyn's decline was now rapid. Her second weekend at home ended in an ambulance trip to a local hospital for a raging UTI that caused Evelyn to basically lose her mind. Upon release, the hospital advised hospice that the ONLY way they would discharge Evelyn was to a nursing home. I had no other choice. She was OK with my decision for a few days, but soon began to badger me about going home. When I explained that I could NOT take her, I received one of the worst cussings I've ever had. I told her I understood her anger, but my hands were tied. The laws here in Indiana on elder abuse and neglect are VERY concise: if an elder cannot self preserve on their own, the responsible family member(me)
that lets the elder continue in a hazardous situation is guilty of elder negligence, which IS a FELONY. Evelyn was so livid that she wouldn't even look at me. At the same time, she became extremely paranoid. EVERYONE was trying to kill her! She's been through 3 bouts of delirium since May, so her paranoia really didn't surprise me. What DID surprise me was what I found this past Sunday morning. Evelyn recognized my wife but not me. I've been with her every day since May. By Monday morning, she recognized no one and had become incredibly confused and combative. She was screaming, crying and writhing in pain that could NOT be controlled. She mourned for her father(died in 1956), her mother(died in the early 1970s), her older sister(died in 1990) and her three baby boys (one still born, one miscarried and one who lived 4 days) continuously. She would not sleep, eat or drink because of her paranoia. Her pain had become a grinding issue as how to control it. She stopped taking her meds completely. Yesterday was even worse. Evelyn spent most of her day prattling, obviously in deep psychosis. Her physical condition had decline even more, with her running a constant 101.8 degree fever inexplicably. Her UTI culture came back negative and her white count was only 12(normal is 8-11). After a long, sleepless night my wife finally had that hard conversation with me: Evelyn is being tortured due to her pain and psychosis; YOU have to make hospice stop the torture. This afternoon, I sat with Evelyn, gently stroking her nose bridge to help her sleep. She would dose off for a few minutes, then would awake in a psychotic frenzy with eyes totally devoid of sanity. Her only concise words were.....'I'm my daddy's baby. MY daddy died. Why did my daddy die?'. Her grieving turned to her long dead infants and my Uncle Bill. I finally broken down, knowing the decision I had to make: the torture has to end, TODAY. I leaned down beside Evelyn and whispered "I love you and I will miss you". I then walked out to speak to the facility NP and asked to speak to her. Brooke(the NP) came into Evelyn's room, observed Evelyn's behavior and asked what I wanted her to do. I told her to make Evelyn comfortable and let's help her to make the crossing between life and eternity. I called the hospice NP and told her the same thing. Evelyn will be with us for a bit longer, but her torture will be ending, FINALLY. I can't let her die in torment.....

[sdbob]

Thoughts and prayers sent.Sorry.

[1965gp]

Man that is sad- but I think you are making the right choice

[Half-Inch Stud]

Prayer sent up.

We hope to live independently in our senior years...sounds good for now huh

[Firedup6975]

Sorry thoughts and prayers.....

[hurryinhoosier62]

Originally Posted by Half-Inch Stud

Prayer sent up.

We hope to live independently in our senior years...sounds good for now huh

This has definitely been eye opening as to how fragile our lives truly are. On April 30th, Evelyn was dressing herself and cracking jokes. Today, she is lost in the fog of insanity and pain.

[David Jones]

My mom has vascular dementia and is in a nursing facility about a mile from the house. My wife and I have been her primary caregivers as she's progressed from living alone, to alone but with MASSIVE help, to a limited care facility and now to the nursing facility. It's been a long slow process. Years. There are meds to slow dementia's progression, but why? At this point she knows her family and is easy to get along with as long as the never ending UTI's aren't plaguing her. Anyone that's never experienced a loved one caught up with a massive UTI, you haven't lived. We made the call quite a while back that, there'll be no heroics. When it appears Mom's time has come, God speed.

God Bless you HH. She'll be free of all this soon.

[Shiny]

Sad but she is in good hands.

Take care of yourself too.

[Keith Seymore]

So sorry to hear this HH; God bless you during this time.

Originally Posted by David Jones

My mom has vascular dementia and is in a nursing facility about a mile from the house. My wife and I have been her primary caregivers as she's progressed from living alone, to alone but with MASSIVE help, to a limited care facility and now to the nursing facility. It's been a long slow process. Years. There are meds to slow dementia's progression, but why? At this point she knows her family and is easy to get along with as long as the never ending UTI's aren't plaguing her. Anyone that's never experienced a loved one caught up with a massive UTI, you haven't lived. We made the call quite a while back that, there'll be no heroics. When it appears Mom's time has come, God speed.

David - if you don't mind I may have to PM you about this in future months.

K

[hurryinhoosier62]

Originally Posted by Shiny

Sad but she is in good hands.

Take care of yourself too.

Trying to. Right now, I feel around 100 yrs old.The crappy part of all of this is I was diagnosed with stage one thyroid cancer when all of this began. I've had my first surgery; I'm still waiting for my second surgery, biopsy and decision as to whether I'm going to have to have 6-8 weeks of radioactive iodine therapy.

[hurryinhoosier62]

Originally Posted by David Jones

My mom has vascular dementia and is in a nursing facility about a mile from the house. My wife and I have been her primary caregivers as she's progressed from living alone, to alone but with MASSIVE help, to a limited care facility and now to the nursing facility. It's been a long slow process. Years. There are meds to slow dementia's progression, but why? At this point she knows her family and is easy to get along with as long as the never ending UTI's aren't plaguing her. Anyone that's never experienced a loved one caught up with a massive UTI, you haven't lived. We made the call quite a while back that, there'll be no heroics. When it appears Mom's time has come, God speed.

God Bless you HH. She'll be free of all this soon.

Thanks, David. One of her neighbors stopped to see Evelyn today. She's resting quietly, due to the increase in her morphine. I'll go over early this evening to check on her before we leave for the farm(3.5 hours southeast of here) for a couple of days. I need a break before the really stressful part begins.

[SRR]

Thoughts and prayers.

[fyrffytr1]

We just went through the same thing with my wife's mother. She had been in a nursing home for over 5 years with dementia but, in the last two or three months she started going downhill. Finally about three weeks ago my wife called in hospice and they advised the nurse what to do to help ease mother out. It was very hard on my wife but even she agrees that it was the best thing to do, Mother doesn't suffer anymore and she is now in heaven with her family and friends having a great time. Our prayers go out for your aunt and all affected by this sad event.

[tigergto]

Sorry to hear about your aunt. Although it’s a difficult decision you and your wife made the right one. Never easy to see a loved one suffer. She was fortunate to have you two looking after her.
Best wishes in your battle against Thyroid cancer.

[gtokid1968]

You have done your best, and if she was in her right mind she would thank you.
I have been through this myself . Its tuff, but sometimes there's nothing more that can be done. Prayers sent for you and her.

[Jerry H.]

Make you have peace knowing you did the right thing.

[hurryinhoosier62]

Originally Posted by Jerry H.

Make you have peace knowing you did the right thing.

Jerry, I'm trying. Bill made me promise him that I would take care of Evelyn after he was gone. I've done my best to keep this promise.

[David Jones]

Originally Posted by Keith Seymore

So sorry to hear this HH; God bless you during this time.




David - if you don't mind I may have to PM you about this in future months.

K

Absolutely.

[boltbuster]

God bless you for your love of your aunt and your faithfulness. My cancer is in remission, and I know that the prayers of others have helped me through surgeries and treatment. You are now on my prayer list for cancer battlers. Take care.
Kermit

[jww]

You’ve been faithful and a loving nephew. Be proud that you have done what you promised.
This is never easy but but you have your best and God will soon welcome her home