A very good FRIEND (who is not
 

an Engineer) sent this to me today.



Understanding Engineers



Two engineering students were riding bicycles across a university campus when one said to the other, "Where did you get the great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes, and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."



Understanding Engineers 2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.



Understanding Engineers 3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't think I've ever seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I'll say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'll contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"



Understanding Engineers 4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.



Understanding Engineers 5

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with a Commerce degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?



Understanding Engineers 6

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it isn't sufficiently complex yet.



Understanding Engineers 7

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Steve, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took pliers from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her purse, took a measurement, announced, “21 feet," and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and have been elected to Congress.

Tom V.

#6 is definitely talking about german engineers.

As an engineer...thanks for the laughs!

Good ones.

Made my day.

Tom - thanks for sharing.

When reading, I thought number 6 applied to British engineers. Did you ever see what Rolls Royce did to a perfectly fine Stromberg carburetor??????

Jon

Good read. A number of years ago I was working in a boat shop and 2 guys came over from the Univ. of Fla. campus to rig up something they were working on involving 55 gal drums. They were both from the mechanical eng. dept., phds no less. Anyway, I could see out the window that they were struggling to drill through the lip of the drum and even from that distance I could tell the drill was in reverse. I had to go out and get them on the right track. Its a true story.

My experience is many Engineers make great Management People if they have the right people skills. "Big Picture" People, who hope to be "Big Money" People, but there are exceptions.

A very good Engineer who worked with me on several projects, (The Hydrogen Bus project), ECOBOOST, and the different Ford GT race car projects) was assumed to be a Senior Engineer at some point in the "normal vehicles" but went into Battery Research.

He, now, has 55 other Engineers working for him and probably is the smartest one in the group (as he was working on the program from the first day of the program).

So not all Engineers are "Paper Pushers" but good engineers can do both jobs well.

Tom V.

I once had a job that allowed the wives of "engineers" to boast about their husbands being an "engineer", it always deflated the gleam in their eyes when I asked which railroad they worked for.

Having several friends who drove/worked on the Trains and one train guy who posted on this forum, I would not be offended at all if they said they worked on trains. Did you feel better afterward Paul?

I did not start bragging about being a Ford Engineer until there were 2,700,000 ECOBOOST vehicles on the road.
The other stuff was just "Toys" people asked me to do.

Tom V.

That joke about trains is pretty old, it's not like engineers haven't heard it a thousand times already.

Yes it was actually pretty funny. No engineers or Engineers should be offended, that wasn't the point. Especially considering we were usually there repairing something the "Engineer" husband couldn't figure out.

Never really felt the need to "brag" about any of my accomplishments.

This was about thirty years ago Stuart.... I assure you the house wives hadn't heard it before. ;)

Number 7 is one l've heard an alternate version of. Instead of a woman with a purse it's an electronics technician with a toolbox.
Good ones all..lol

Reminds me of the old tale about the Japanese engineers sending their German counterparts the worlds finest filament wire. The Germans drilled a hole through it's length and said "no, it's the world's smallest tubing".

Engineers Up ! I was a combat engineer in the Marines . No one ever really ever knows what they do until they are trapped and some body is already missing a leg or head !

A priest, a drunkard and an engineer have been sentenced to death by the guillotine. The executioner asks the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. The executioner raises the blade of the guillotine and releases it. It comes speeding down, and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The executioner takes this as divine intervention and releases the priest.

The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. The executioner raises the blade of the guillotine and releases it, and again it suddenly stops just inches from the drunkard's neck. He takes this as another sign of divine intervention, and releases the drunkard too.

Finally, it's the engineer's turn. He too decides to die facing up. As the blade slowly raises, the engineer suddenly says, "Hey, I see what your problem is ..."

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He spots a woman down below and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

"Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field" says the woman.

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

"You must be in management," says the woman.

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," she says, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but somehow now it's my fault."

I was working with a German engineer some years back..we got in an argument about a VFD...he was offended i would challenge his vast knowledge.. he proceeded to tell me Germans were better at everything to which I replied...yeah, everything but war.. he got mad..lol

Drops mic.