Real one:
Wife: Do these pants make me look too fat?
Me: Nope, just fat enough.
She's since learned not to use the "too" word in her questions.
Wife: You've got to cut down on your beer drinking, you're spending to much money.
Husband: What about all the money you spend on make-up.
Wife: That's to make me look better to you.
Husband: That's what the beer is for.
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