Quote:
Originally Posted by arbys
The real question may be what was done before they turned 18. I know that it may seem heartless at times but I feel that discipline and guidance given prepared them life. It was shakey for them at first but well worth the effort.
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Ross, well stated. My uncles and aunts told my parents that you couldn't raise children the way we were raised. Kids had to be "kids". Well, we were allowed to be children, but we all had responsibilities. Our responsibilities came BEFORE anything else. Dad had a simple ethos: "My house, my rules. If you live in my house you will contribute to the upkeep of the house, the family and you will attend church regularly." That is WHY I learned to perform the same tasks as my sisters did (cooking, cleaning, laundry) AND all the tasks that my dad performed(auto and home maintenance). Both Mom and Dad had ONE rule once you graduated high school: get a job, go to college (while working in the summers like my middle sister did) or go into the military. None of us were allowed time to "find" ourselves. Dad had a unique way of assisting you in "finding" yourself: a 10EEE in your backside. Shortly before she passed away, I took my Aunt Nina out to lunch. Half way through lunch, she looked into my eyes and said: "Steve, I didn't agree with the way your parents raised you and your sisters, but I certainly agree with the results. You're a good man". Nina was always my favorite maternal aunt. Hearing her say "You're a good man" brought a tear to my eye. If you want kids to amount to something you have to start when they are small and instill the characteristics you desire. Even then, there is no guarantee that they will follow these once they are adults. Friends of mine raised their kids to be responsible: two of the kids are great, one committed suicide to keep from going to prison and the youngest has been out of prison, "clean and sober", for three years. Once children are adults there is little you can do the change their trajectory.