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#1
04-09-2011, 12:19 PM
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Understanding Engineers
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." Understanding Engineers #2 To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Understanding Engineers #3 A priest, an ophthalmologist, and an engineer were golfing one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said, "That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for them." The ophthalmologist added, "Good idea. And maybe I could examine them to see if there's anything I can do for them." They were silent for a moment. Then the engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" Understanding Engineers #4 What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. Understanding Engineers #5 The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" Understanding Engineers #6 Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline next to a recreational area?" Understanding Engineers #7 Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. Understanding Engineers #8 An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm a busy engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend. But a talking frog?!! Now that's cool!"
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http://www.pontiacpower.org/ |
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#2
04-09-2011, 01:34 PM
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Very Funny and true at the same time. Anyone that has worked around engineers know this all to well.
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#3
04-09-2011, 01:39 PM
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#4
04-09-2011, 04:35 PM
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I've seen some of these before. # 4 is my all-time favorite!!!!
signed, the proud mechanical engineer Eric |
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#5
04-09-2011, 04:47 PM
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Anal Industrial Engineer here....
__________________
65 Lemans Street Car - 521, T400, 3.70 9". 10.13 @ 135. 3770 lbs. Drag Week ‘14, ‘15, ‘17 63 Lemans Race Car- 8.81 @ 151, 5.60 @ 123(SOLD) 67 Bonneville ragtop 74 Firebird - 455, e heads, TK0600 in process |
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#6
04-09-2011, 07:37 PM
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was going to school for mechanical engineering ..I flunked the first day , they found out I had a sense of humor ...
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#7
04-09-2011, 08:56 PM
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Engineers
I've been an electrical engineer for the last 30 years and I love engineer jokes, the sad part is some of them are spot on.
" How do you know if the engineer you're talking to is an extrovert?" He'll be staring at YOUR shoes!
__________________
Ron 64 GTO convertible, gone but not forgotten 76 CB750K 72 CB350F " why yes, I am old school, so what?" |
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#8
04-09-2011, 09:04 PM
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I think I've worked with the guys in #1. Kind of like Lloyd and Harry in the last scene of Dumb and Dumber with the bus load of Bikini girls!
__________________
 ___________________________________ "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear" 
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#9
04-09-2011, 11:11 PM
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how do you know a engineer visited the shop?? all your pocket protectors are missing ...
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#10
04-10-2011, 12:06 AM
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#11
04-11-2011, 07:55 AM
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A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a software engineer were driving downtown to a conference. There was a loud "BANG!" The car "died" so the mechanical engineer who was driving, pulled over and said "It broke a rod..."
The electrical engineer said "No, it's obviously the coil..." The software engineer said "What's the problem? We'll just get out and get back in again, and everything will be fine..." Jim |
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#12
04-11-2011, 08:04 AM
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I am a social outcast electrical engineer. An outcast of the engineers
 During college, I would got out on Friday nights to drink beer and date girls, scandalous that I wasn't doing my differential equations some said. That is one example of why the engineers don't always understand me. To this day, many I have worked with have said that I am definitely an engineer of a different cloth. And I am proud of that! |
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#13
04-11-2011, 08:17 AM
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I used to not even be able to spell injuneer, now I are one.
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#14
04-11-2011, 08:31 AM
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#15
04-11-2011, 08:54 AM
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Post #11 is priceless.
Engineer do things for a reason. Usually short on explaining though, to avoid gloss-over. |
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#16
04-11-2011, 12:52 PM
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Thanks, HIS. An old "programmer" joke... (yes, I'm an old programmer...)
And to think, I always thought engineers drove trains... Where's CobraBill when we need him? I'm SURE he's got some good "engineer stories"... Jim |
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#17
04-11-2011, 01:33 PM
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I was going to be an engineer but the railroad didnt have any openings at that time.
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#18
04-11-2011, 01:58 PM
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porn to a engineer is the latest issue of marks standards of engineering .. ( which is actually a neat book)
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#19
04-11-2011, 08:26 PM
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Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers. "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers. They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket please" The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer. "Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers. When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please." |
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#20
04-12-2011, 06:33 PM
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Quote:
In conclusion, the evidence shows that the design was adequate for the task assigned. (Eye r un ijunear ,two) 
__________________
The joker in the deck keeps sending me his card. Smiling friendly, he takes me in. Then breaks my back in a game I can't win. |
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