[455Grandville]

These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" (MY FAVORITE)

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.... Sign here."

[marxjunk]

The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?


heehee...funny

[77 TRASHCAN]

...LOL...Officer, would you call me a triple A wrecker???............O.K. ma'am, you're a triple A wrecker.........

[ho428]

#17 "Yes, I'm well aware there were cars going much faster than you, I didn't stand a chance at catching them"

[Half-Inch Stud]

"Well, you're the highest speed this month!"

[pontiacpetey]

I saw once on cops where a speeder was mad and said "I pay taxes!! I pay your salary!! How dare you!!" The cop looked at her and said "I pay taxes too--this one is on me"

[bullheimer]

i've gotten so many tickets, if i hadda memory i know i could add to your list. only one i can remember now anyways is the cop telling me "you smell like a brewery". i wasn't driving but the driver couldn't a bin sober either....
he let us go after clocking us at 60 in a 25. we were all white and he was black. yeah, THOSE WERE THE GOOD OL' DAYS. (my dad was assistant city atty at the time) Had to be 1972 or 3. High school, which come to think of it, means WE WERE ALL UNDER AGE!! yeah boy, that would never happen today.


thanks granville, those cracked me up. i sent them out to everybody

[Cammer-6]

Originally Posted by ho428

#17 "Yes, I'm well aware there were cars going much faster than you, I didn't stand a chance at catching them"

A friend got caught running his then new 78 TA against a Camaro.
Cops(there were 4 of them in patrol car) pulled him over and said,this isnt your lucky day,there was 2 of you and only one of us(cop car).
He figured the tone was set for a ticket of going 130+,but when he was honest and said,I wanted to see what my new car would do,they all asked to see under the hood,and were still talking about it when he drove off without any ticket.
Cops comment was ,its 2 AM on a deserted toll road and you havent been drinking,its your lucky day after all.

[fiedlerh]

"Yes, I'm well aware there were cars going much faster than you, I didn't stand a chance at catching them"

I can attest to a cop telling me that one.

True story:
911 caller: "Come quick, there is a cat stuck in a tree in front of my house and it won't come down.
Dispatcher:: "Lady, have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" CLICK.

[stimpy]

[QUOTE=fiedlerh;4284564]I can attest to a cop telling me that one.


you actually have a car slower than a ISP Imapala ???

[fiedlerh]

Yes I was driving an 84 Dodge Lancer 2.2L for a daily driver at the time. What a POS. Stuff was always breaking on it. I was last in a group of speeders doing 85 in a 55 and got nabbed from behind. Court supervision as usual.

Right after I bought my 74 Grand Am I was having a few beers with a gearhead neighbor and we decided to go for a test drive. Promptly got pulled over for "excessive wheelspin, excessive acceleration". I argued with the cop that the car was totally stock and not really that fast and it was barely capable of breaking the rear tires loose (which was mostly true). The cop bought the argument and let me go.

[Cammer-6]

When in high school a neighbor had the sickest car made,a 59 Ford Fairlane
4 dr 292.
It wouldnt spin the tires no matter what we tried.
One night at the local cruise in spot we turned a corner going about 10 MPH and
a couple of us stuck our heads out the window and made tire screeching noises.
About 100 ft past the corner a cop pulled us over for squealing the tires.
We were so shocked we mocked the cop,actually laid on the ground laughing so hard,opened the hood to the car and said"Ole Betsy we didnt know you could do it."
All this infuriated the cop,especially when we asked him to show us the tire marks.
The drivers dad was a deputy but this was a city cop so he couldnt help.
Driver was refusing to sign the ticket saying he wasnt guilty,so one of us went to a payphone and called his dad to explain the whole thing and ask if he really could go to jail if he didnt sign ticket. His dad told us to sign the ticket and pay the fine,it was the officers word against 6 teenagers and we would lose in court. Thats total BS.

[stimpy]

Originally Posted by fiedlerh

Yes I was driving an 84 Dodge Lancer 2.2L for a daily driver at the time. What a POS. Stuff was always breaking on it. I was last in a group of speeders doing 85 in a 55 and got nabbed from behind.

actually he didn't nail you for speeding he got you for a thing impersonating a car or parts falling off . and driving one of them POS I am suprise he didn't lock you up for driving to fast in a pos .

[fiedlerh]

actually he didn't nail you for speeding he got you for a thing impersonating a car or parts falling off . and driving one of them POS I am suprise he didn't lock you up for driving to fast in a pos

You are correct! I was heading up 294 to on a date with my future wife so I played nice and kept my mouth shut. My wife still teases me about that car. The next owner gave me grief about it because it nickled-and-dimed him too.

Even though the trooper had a bunch of mistakes on the ticket judge Booras said it didn't matter. The trooper could identify me as the driver so I was guilty - typical Illinois traffic court.

[stimpy]

Originally Posted by fiedlerh

You are correct! I was heading up 294 to on a date with my future wife so I played nice and kept my mouth shut. My wife still teases me about that car. The next owner gave me grief about it because it nickled-and-dimed him too.

Even though the trooper had a bunch of mistakes on the ticket judge Booras said it didn't matter. The trooper could identify me as the driver so I was guilty - typical Illinois traffic court.

about as bad as the cop that gave me a expositon of speed ticket when I spun my wheels coming out of the cashbox at toughy the lane was covered with oil from a car loosing its engine , problem was I was spinning all 8 tires on my rig with a loaded tank trailer on back ( the liquid surged and pulled the truck back ) . judge threw it out when I asked to read what type of vehicle it was ..

[dhcarguy]

When I was 18 , a cop stopped for me for speeding., He walked up to the car and said .." do you know how fast you were going?" My response was ..."well if you don't know , I 'm not telling you." and I laughed.. The cop actually had a sense of humor , and let me go.