Things NOT to say to your wife!!
 

I think this can be a fun thread where we men can learn from each other and the women can "perhaps" tudor us into the "right thing" while having their suspicions about us confirmed...

A while back my wife asked me if I thought her belly was getting too big, we both are in our 40's. For whatever reason, the automatic NO-ometer malfunctioned and failed to activate and I (no so) thoughtfully answered: "Honey, everyone can use some sit-ups." I think it's the longest I've gone without loving, except deployments, since we've been married.

No Honey, those pants dont make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat.

I've been married long enough to know to not even hesitate a nano-second when answering questions of that nature.

Something tells me this is going to be a loooong thread.

:popcorn:

Dear, do I need to break up with my girlfriend?

Tupperware bowl? Yeah I dropped the pan on my tranny,I think it's still in the garage.

Being honest has been a curse to me.

Mark grenaded his rear end,so we had it towed here. It will only be in the driveway a few weeks.

Here's one that I was smart enough not to answer incorrectly.

My son's father-in-law was widowed several years before my son met his wife. During their engagement, the f-i-l started dating his deceased wife's divorced sister (they have since married). Kinda freaked the daughter a bit that her dad was dating her aunt but laugh about it now.

Anyway, when my wife heard the two were dating, she turns to me and says, "If I died, which one of my sisters would you want to date????"

Now, lucky for me, I'm not attracted to either of her sisters. So after a little hesitation (while I considered how this was going to be trouble for me) I said neither which I'm pretty sure is the only "correct" answer to this question/trap.

I'm pretty sure you don't want to tell your wife you'd like to date her sister, no matter how hot the sister is or what the circumstances may be!

trick question - define "date" <uhoh>

"The guy's & I are taking Skip in a stretch limo to the Gold Club for his 40th birthday." (It was my idea. :D )

Turns out, just looking at naked women in her book is cheating. :noidea: How was I to know.

We went anyways.

Ouch!! last week i said, is it really neccessary to suck on those chicken bones like that???

Wife, "Do you think I'm dumb?

Me, "No you are blond".

"you're acting like your mother more and more each day"

/Mother is certifiably insane. Seriously she is.

if you met my SIL you definately would saty single , and my wife knows this , she knows I won't be looking for a replacement unless it has 4 wheels and I don't mean in a wheelchair either .

She says "Look I've lost some weight"
You say " No you haven't it's right there behind you!"

Funny yes, smart No.

Yeah, I MIGHT consider selling the Pontiac. Just don't say it.....for any reason.

yep.**** doesn't go over well either.

Every so often I've had to put my wife back in check when she starts to get overly controlling or bi7chy.

I let her know that my life would get much easier without her in it.

More time to work on cars, more... everything...

But we are in a really good place now, so we don't have to "go there" very often, and hopefully never again.:D

BTW I could write a book on this subject. Not sure I want to be the subject of a witch hunt tho...........

Sadly, between an extreme case of ADHD and a broken edit button I have had my share of things I wish I hadn't said. Here's a few of my best (er um worst).

Wife: I think I've put on some extra weight.
Me: Well duh, you've had 3 kids. Crap, what I meant is... um.. I'll be in the shop.

Wife: I'm feeling a bit frisky tonight.
Me: (Thinking she meant like she wanted to debate. I was sadly incorrect) I'll be in the shop, have fun with that.

Wife: (after customer parts ordered, installed and car is ready for pickup) So, how much do they owe you on this one.
Me: Nothing, it was a trade deal.
Wife: What? Another one? How many cars do you need?
Me: I want as many cars as I want women.

Wife: Why do you work on so many customer cars but I can't get you to do a simple thing to mine.
Me: Because the customers help pay the bills.

Wife: You need to put up a fence to try and hide the cars and shop.
Me: Just get your sister to stand in the driveway. That'll hide it all.

Wife: My sister says she thinks you drink too much.
Me: I'll drink to that. Besides, she may think I drink too much, but I KNOW she eats too much.

Wife: Why do you need a fridge in the shop?
Me: To keep some things like food, pop, and scotch in.
Wife: Much more out there and you could almost live there.
Me: Damn, you caught on.

Wife: You already have a nice hot rod, do you really need another one?
Me: Well, I already have a wife but I really want a girlfriend.
Wife: If I can have a boyfriend you can have a girlfried.
Me: Oh, you mean we're not already doing that? I need to go make a call, and I better do it before 7:00.