[herdswoman]

Most excellent point: your son will not be 1 year old for long. While these years seem like forever, once they are gone....they are gone for good.

I've read all the posts, and noticed a lot of "either/or" thinking; a lot of "mine vs. hers". You need how to figure out how to become a team and work together as a unit. First and above all is your child, and from her reluctance to use a babysitter it seems she has a different parenting style than you. Getting a babysitter ("using resources" - icky term) it's not like hiring a cleaning service - and she likely sees it completely differently than you. Talk it out. Get a jogging strolling and take your son with you when you run; work out together; ask her what she wants; and do your best to give it to her. The child-rearing years are tough, and the couple is the foundation of the home. Get it together.

Are you really willing to walk because you believe you deserve to have it so much easier than you have?

You do have significant demands on your time, and maybe you should carve out one hour a day, get your whole work out in and be done before the rest of the house is awake. The answer is not avoiding your loved ones by working more weekends (therefore, incurring more stress and an increased need to work out more. Lather, rinse, repeat.)

Strictly a woman's perspective: if you think you can buy a wife with your paycheck and freshly worked-outed physique - good luck with that!!!! No woman worth her salt and self esteem will put up with that ****.

[higgenslake]

Now you can show her this thread and let the chips fall where they fall.

[i82much]

Originally Posted by herdswoman

Most excellent point: your son will not be 1 year old for long. While these years seem like forever, once they are gone....they are gone for good.

I've read all the posts, and noticed a lot of "either/or" thinking; a lot of "mine vs. hers". You need how to figure out how to become a team and work together as a unit. First and above all is your child, and from her reluctance to use a babysitter it seems she has a different parenting style than you. Getting a babysitter ("using resources" - icky term) it's not like hiring a cleaning service - and she likely sees it completely differently than you. Talk it out. Get a jogging strolling and take your son with you when you run; work out together; ask her what she wants; and do your best to give it to her. The child-rearing years are tough, and the couple is the foundation of the home. Get it together.

Are you really willing to walk because you believe you deserve to have it so much easier than you have?

You do have significant demands on your time, and maybe you should carve out one hour a day, get your whole work out in and be done before the rest of the house is awake. The answer is not avoiding your loved ones by working more weekends (therefore, incurring more stress and an increased need to work out more. Lather, rinse, repeat.)

Strictly a woman's perspective: if you think you can buy a wife with your paycheck and freshly worked-outed physique - good luck with that!!!! No woman worth her salt and self esteem will put up with that ****.

Well, we already have a babysitter we use quite a bit when school is in session. I guess it is hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that she has the entire summer off and because of this I have to go to work later than I feel is appropriate.

Let's take an average job, 30 minute commute, 8 hours at work, hour lunch. 10 hours total gone from the house. I am getting to work at 9 and home by 7 - that's 10 hours, that's a regular day for just about anybody. I do that by skipping my lunch so I can work out after work instead. And I hear about it for coming home at 7. I try to leave earlier and I hear about it for not giving her time to work out and shower. So it's kind of "damned if you do and damned if you don't." I can't leave early, I can't work late, and taking time to work out makes me selfish but I have to sit there and wait for her to work out. All this during the summer when she isn't even working! Sorry, but that blows my mind.

I think the fact that she isn't willing to try using the babysitting service at the local gym is the part I find most frustrating. I mean, you go to the gym, the kid gets to play with some other kids (which he never does anywhere else), you shower at the gym. That frees me up to get to work earlier, get home at 6:15 or so. But she won't even try that?

I would gladly give up the morning run if I really thought it would get me to work any sooner. But it wouldn't. She's not exactly chomping at the bit to get on her bike when I get back from my run, she's sitting at the table drinking coffee. Don't misunderstand - she is spending quality time with our boy, not watching Oprah. But she throws that morning run up in my face for "working out twice a day" when the truth is it has absolutely no effect on when I leave because she isn't the type to roll out of bed and get stepping.

[i82much]

Originally Posted by higgenslake

Now you can show her this thread and let the chips fall where they fall.

No way I wanted to talk to someone, I didn't want to create a weird family dynamic, I picked this for the anonymity. I needed to blow off some steam, see what other people had to say. I knew when I posted there was no magic answer.

[cuz68]

Why dont you and her take a shower together, With the kid in the bathroom also? Good luck to you all.

[Motor Daddy]

Do what lawyers do best, take her to court!

[The Boss]

Originally Posted by i82much

And my point about the lifestyle issues is just that you need to take the good with the bad. You've got the new car, the IPhone, don't need to take a dime out of your pocket to pay the bills, then you have to understand the man earning that money has some expectations on him that other people don't have.

It sounds to me like you feel you've already paid the baby sitter here!

You may think it's easy taking care of a child's every need 24/7 but it's not. I don't expect she's sitting around eating bon bon's all day watching Dr. Oz & thumbing through Vogue. Having somebody dependent upon you full time is rewarding but relentless. You seem to have no appreciation for what she is doing and expect her to have all of it for what you are doing.

She's just looking for a little help - don't be so rigid and stop thinking you can get a better deal with somebody else - you gave up that option when you had your son. Stop talking to us about this and talk it out with her.

[zephyrracer]

Originally Posted by The Boss

It sounds to me like you feel you've already paid the baby sitter here!

You may think it's easy taking care of a child's every need 24/7 but it's not. I don't expect she's sitting around eating bon bon's all day watching Dr. Oz & thumbing through Vogue. Having somebody dependent upon you full time is rewarding but relentless. You seem to have no appreciation for what she is doing and expect her to have all of it for what you are doing.

She's just looking for a little help - don't be so rigid and stop thinking you can get a better deal with somebody else - you gave up that option when you had your son. Stop talking to us about this and talk it out with her.

Good post Boss and so true, I would add 1 more thing, make a workout room at home and be there for the spontaneity in life while your children are under your supervision, reflect on this it will help make a strong and secure offspring and when they hit adulthood they hit the ground running, while you are raising children your life is on hold when they leave then it's back to all about you.

Hope this helps Gregg

[Willshire]

I can't believe your little guy sleeps till 630! i am so jealous! my 5 year old springs out of bed at 5

[tinindian68]

Originally Posted by The Boss

It sounds to me like you feel you've already paid the baby sitter here!

You may think it's easy taking care of a child's every need 24/7 but it's not. I don't expect she's sitting around eating bon bon's all day watching Dr. Oz & thumbing through Vogue. Having somebody dependent upon you full time is rewarding but relentless. You seem to have no appreciation for what she is doing and expect her to have all of it for what you are doing.

She's just looking for a little help - don't be so rigid and stop thinking you can get a better deal with somebody else - you gave up that option when you had your son. Stop talking to us about this and talk it out with her.

^^ This^^ My wife is a research scientist and decided to stay home with our kids (now 5 and 7 months). I work 2 jobs so we can make this happen. When she needs time, she gets it.

And I get the work thing too, but honestly in 5 years, you'll end up with either a better relationship, a good family dynamic, or a promotion that keeps you away from your family. For what?

I'm glad to say I learned this lesson early on (I'm 35). Get up early, go to bed late. Work out then. But family comes first.

[NeighborsComplaint]

A wise old man married over 50 years told me that to keep your wife happy, you only need to do one thing ... whatever she wants you to do. Truer words were never spoken.

[Bob Dillon]

Originally Posted by NeighborsComplaint

A wise old man married over 50 years told me that to keep your wife happy, you only need to do one thing ... whatever she wants you to do. Truer words were never spoken.

Women. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.

[Willshire]

you want to sleep in, go to bed early and work out. You have to give up one of them for the sake of the boy.

[bird72]

Bending, and the manner you do it, are the key to not breaking, my only advice...............

[Rob B]

Out of 5 pages, there's a handful of good advice and a bunch of posts trying to validate YOUR ideas on how she should be/act in your relationship.
Some of us posting are in awesome relationships/marriages only after we were soberly educated from a previous venture(s) in the matters of the heart, regardless who's fault it was from its demise. And in almost every case, kids were involved.
Based on everything you've posted, your doomed in this relationship under your current mindset. Little pet peeves or things that you may have overlooked before you had a child together are now amplified more because of the child and the demands. Sounds more of a compatibility issue at this point. Women change when they pump those kids outs, sometimes for the better, sometimes not so much. What you need to decide is how you can adapt to your current relationship now rather she makes changes or not, then decide if that's something you can live with going forward. Not trying to be a troll, dick, or asshole, just telling it like it is. As like many others, been there done that...

[Willshire]

In order of importance Kids, Wife, Me. If i had to jump off a bridge to keep my family together i would. Our Love for our family is amplified by the sacrifices we make for them

[i82much]

Originally Posted by Willshire

you want to sleep in, go to bed early and work out. You have to give up one of them for the sake of the boy.

First - thanks for being reasonable. You seem to be trying to see both sides of this. A few other posters seem to be taking the very worst inferences from my posts. I am not saying I want to go get another girlfriend, I am not saying I am god's gift to women, I am not saying my fiance spends too much money or wastes time. I have repeatedly said she is a great mom and we just have some differences on how to arrange our schedule during the week. My point was just that I don't think objectively she has it that bad.

What I am saying is that, objectively, anyone with a full time job is going to spend 10-10.5 hours out of the house during the day. Since he has been born, I've been going in later, coming home sooner, working fewer weekends, cut my showers down to three minutes and watch him while I do it, split my workouts up so I can be home sooner, shortened my total workout time, and stopped taking a lunch at work so I have that 30 minutes to lift after work. I put my kid to bed every night, I wake up with him every morning while she sleeps in. This is not your typical lawyer working 70 hour weeks, going to happy hour and never seeing his family.

I did have another talk with her and I think we are going to try something a little different tomorrow morning. Typically I wake up about 6:30 with our kid, she comes down at 7 or so and I go run until 7:15. Then she will normally kind of, I dunno, just random "stuff" until 7:45 or so, then start exercising. That 30 minutes has always kind of bugged me because I do everything I can to expedite the things I do but I feel like she tends to take her time. Tomorrow she has agreed that she will try to get motivated a little sooner. I know it sounds minor, but if it gets me out of the house 15 minutes earlier every morning that really adds up.

[i82much]

Originally Posted by Rob B

Out of 5 pages, there's a handful of good advice and a bunch of posts trying to validate YOUR ideas on how she should be/act in your relationship.
Some of us posting are in awesome relationships/marriages only after we were soberly educated from a previous venture(s) in the matters of the heart, regardless who's fault it was from its demise. And in almost every case, kids were involved.
Based on everything you've posted, your doomed in this relationship under your current mindset. Little pet peeves or things that you may have overlooked before you had a child together are now amplified more because of the child and the demands. Sounds more of a compatibility issue at this point. Women change when they pump those kids outs, sometimes for the better, sometimes not so much. What you need to decide is how you can adapt to your current relationship now rather she makes changes or not, then decide if that's something you can live with going forward. Not trying to be a troll, dick, or asshole, just telling it like it is. As like many others, been there done that...

Let me ask it to you this way - at what point would you say dude, you have just got to stand up for yourself. If she said I only want you out of the house 8 hours a day, that would give me 7.5 hours a day to work and the other 30 minutes to commute. Would that be reasonable?

[i82much]

Originally Posted by Willshire

In order of importance Kids, Wife, Me. If i had to jump off a bridge to keep my family together i would. Our Love for our family is amplified by the sacrifices we make for them

I guess the way I look at it is that you need to take care of yourself, too. Shorting yourself on sleep or exercise is not the way to go, man. That just gets you fat and lazy and even more stressed out. That goes for her, too. I want her to take a couple of hours per day for the sake of both of us and relax, get some good exercise, take a long shower, breath for a minute. We both deserve that but I do not have the time every day to give that to her. We have a babysitter that we trust and that our kid loves. The local gym has a babysitting service and it would be great for our guy to get a chance to play with some other kids. What we don't have is any family nearby so everything is on us, and I think we need some external help. No matter what we do, we both spend a lot of quality time with our kid, the question is how much are we going to beat ourselves up in the process.

[lfdsteve]

90% of the posters are saying the same thing, you just don't seem to want to hear what they are saying. You keep trying to counter every post like you are in court. Your not. If you want to win like most lawers do, then do what you want and let the chips fall... If you want to deal with truth and reality, which most lawyers don't. The reread this thread and notice the good advice given by many. Life and law have Absolutley no connection.
Good luck
Steve